Working through Ambivalence: How to manage tough periods and setbacks

With change comes a mixture of emotions and naturally some ambivalence.

ambivalence

noun

1. the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.

   equivocation, uncertainty, doubt, indecision, irresolution, hesitation, hesitancy

   "the law's ambivalence about the importance of a victim's identity"

We may feel indecisive about our goals, there may be conflicting desires such as wanting to help others and not put yourself first or wanting to lose weight but not give up some comfort eating habits.

This ambivalence is completely normal.

It does not mean you don't want to change or you're lazy or not motivated.

Change will always involve some competing drives, this may result in being conflicted as to why you're on the path you've set for yourself or that has been advised for you (by a doctor for example). You may not feel ready to change, willing to change or even able to change.

So if you're in this situation with an area of your health and fitness there are a few strategies we can try to create some more clarity and work through our own ambivalence.

Identify the resistance to change:

What are the forces at play which are resisting your ability to create the change you want?

Identify and develop discrepancy:

What ways of coping might you be attached to that may be working against your goals or values?

How do your current behaviours reflect on where you're trying to get to? Is there any mismatch or inconsistency?

Reframe:

All of us have perceptions, thoughts and ideas of our lives and the world around us. This creates a frame of reference that can potentially limit what we think we can do or what we see.

Our aim here is to focus not on the obstacles and roadblocks that stand in our way but the advantages that you may have in your specific situation. It sounds so simple but can be very challenging for a lot of people. Questions like these can help uncover a different frame of reference.

• When and where does this problem not occur?

• Is there another story you could tell about that?

• If you were to stop thinking about how you’re going to solve the problem and start thinking of how you know it will be solved, what would this look like?

Find a professional for more advice and guidance:

This could be in the form of a coach/PT, nutritionist, counsellor etc. professionals who are experts at collaborating with you to help you make the changes you desire.

If you're experiencing your own ambivalence, understand that its an entirely normal part of the process to sustainable change.

If you're struggling through your own ambivalence and want to continue in improving your health, wellbeing and fitness please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to help gain some more clarity and overcome these barriers.

Recognise Your Fears

Fear appears in our life in many different ways. It can drive us to feel as though we're not enough, that we'll never be enough or have enough. It can hold us back, make us feel lonely, inadequate, jealous, ashamed and dissatisfied. Fear can also be the source of tremendous self-realisation, self-actualisation and ultimately self-growth, it can be a great tool for intense focus and achieving powerful performance outcomes

Most of the time you can't control your fears. Whether it's 'in-the-moment' fear, like getting ready for a competition or to make a public speech or 'not-good-enough fear', like being controlled by your inner critic or your fear of being rejected or vulnerable. No amount of hoping will change it.

Changing The Fear Response

Instead we must try to deliberately change our response to these kind of fears. We can do this by shifting our behaviour, our physical focus, mental attention and importantly our own perception of these fears.

In her book Fear Less: How to Win at Life Without Losing Yourself, Dr Pippa Grange, a sport psychologist and culture coach, brings forth a strategy of seeing, facing and replacing our fears. It's a fantastic read and can be life-changing if you apply the methods and strategies she suggests. She discusses how fear can go a lot deeper and can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

I've personally had a lot of success with overcoming my own fears using some of these strategies, I will outline some of them below but if you want to dive deeper I highly recommend reading and most importantly applying what you read into your life.

Questions To Recognize Fear

Below you'll find a few of the many possible questions you can ask yourself to begin to uncover how not-good-enough fears affect you day to day.

Seeing it: Identify it, feel it, experience it and acknowledge it.

What does fear look like to you?

How does it feel?

Facing your fears: Going deeper

Who do I become when I'm captured by fear?

What does my fear cost me?

What excuses does my fear make for me?

Replacing your fear: Reinterpreting and reimagining

There are many ways that Dr Pippa Grange references in how to overcome our not-good-enough fears. Ranging from telling ourselves a different story, to finding a strong purpose, to laughter. I won't go into too much detail as you can always find a lot more information in the book itself.

However what I will say is that fear is an essential part of human nature and is impossible to change. What we can do is either block it or challenge it.

We can't wipe the slate clean of our mistakes or blunders but we can channel these into passions and resources to take us beyond our fears.

Connection Overcomes Fear

We can connect with others and work on being more vulnerable, open, honest with ourselves and our loved ones. Great communication, trust and empathy can help us overcome our fears.

Lastly we can work on being present, it's not pleasant to feel trapped in your own thoughts, over-thinking, catastrophizing and worrying. Simply start by noticing your breath, tasting what you eat, feeling sensations in your body, then begin to notice how you feel as a progression and begin to uncover where those emotions, thoughts and ultimately fears may originate and why.

Finding a way to regularly be present is extremely grounding and calming and an excellent way to tackle your fears and live for each and every moment as they come.

If you're struggling through tackling some of your own fears as they relate to your overall health and wellbeing and want to improve in these areas please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to help gain more clarity.

Let's Dig Deeper: Finding your why behind your health goals.

What do you want to achieve with your health?

Why do you want that?

Why now?

These are critical questions we need to ask ourselves when we're thinking of change? Any type of change really but today I'll be talking about changing an area of your health, wellbeing or fitness and a process of how to approach sustainable, long-lasting change.

Essentially that's what we want when we decide to change an area of our lives, the change to last, to be permanent. It's simple in theory, a very different story in practise.

Change starts with a choice.

It can simply be a choice that you want things to be different. You want to improve your health, have more energy, eat better quality food, have less injuries and avoid being in pain, have more confidence in your own self-image etc.

This is where we need to explore this possibility of change more closely and ensure you really want what you say you want and then create a step-by-step process to achieve it. This is where unfortunately many go wrong.

Some have the intent to change but think the change is too large and never make a start, some have the courage to make the start but go about it the wrong way and inevitably halt due to a number of possible obstacles or setbacks. Some go all out and cause themselves injury or digestive distress. And some make all the right choices and life smacks them in the face and everything crumbles.

I'm going to present 3 simple questions that will hopefully get the cogs turning and create a simpler way to approach these often common pitfalls of health enthused change makers.

Q1: What things are important to you, and how does health, exercise and eating fit into this?

Q2: If you wanted to change, what would be the absolute smallest possible step you could take to move towards that goal?

Q3: What is good about NOT changing? What might be BAD about making this change?

You can answer these yourselves and hopefully they create a more well rounded picture of why the change is important to you, how to make a start and to prepare yourself for inevitable ambivalence during a journey towards change.

Best of luck.

If you're struggling to make a start in improving your health, wellbeing and fitness and you're unsure how to go about it, please fill out our quick survey or book in a call to gain help gain more clarity.